Yes, folks, today is the Earth’s 6000th birthday, according to the famous Bishop Ussher. In 1650, he famously calculated the age of the Earth using the biblical timeline based upon the ages at which various people were begat and came up with October 22nd, 4004 BC. At around 6 pm. Technically, the 6000th birthday was actually in 1997, owing to odd lineups in various calenders, but such pedantry would just ruin a good party.
She looks pretty good for 6000, don’t you think? A little bigger around the equator, perhaps. The smog has made her a little more gray around the temples, and global warming a little thinner on top. But all in all, not a bad planet to call home. So raise a glass and sing “For she’s a jolly good planet”, something nobody can deny, and bust out the cake. What do you get for the planet that has everything?