An Open Letter to Kansas School Board


Bobby Henderson, a concerned citizen, has written an open letter to the Kansas school board about the attempts to put “intelligent design” creationism into the science curriculium. In the letter, he advocates for his view of creation to be included as well:

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming to long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

Prof. Steve Steve is convinced.

(Thanks to Susan Mae for the link.)


Unfortunately, the logical congruence being used as ironic illustration is likely to elude all members of the target audience it does not anger. Right beliefs may be distinguishable by an outsider from wrong beliefs ONLY by the way the Designer’s name is spelled, but that spelling makes a critical difference. Spelled correctly, we’re talking of deep profundities, the essence of meaning, the heart of philosophy, the realm of the almighty. Spelled wrong, we’re talking childish nonsense, so cut it out.

Lighten up, Flint!

i think we need a “sacrcasm” thread as well as the one on irony.


Hey, anything that correlates the number of pirates with anything else is a Good Thing.

I wonder if Ploink Ploink likes spaghetti?


yellow fatty bean Wrote:

OK I am a tard

BURN THAT HERETIC PANDA ! Everyone knows the Flying Spaghetti Monster insists the regalia is - Right Hook, Eye Patch Left, and Bow Ties MUST be Red with Yellow Polka Dots.

Hail to the Chef !

Funny letter. What isn’t funny is that some of the real goofies are already lining up to grab their fair share of ‘teaching the controversy.’


I engaged in a bit of spoofery myself:

To the Editor, Greetings from Rhea County, TN

From an article about Dayton, TN in National Geographic and a more recent one in The Smithsonian, to articles in Newsweek and Time, to the many newspaper pieces about the science of evolution vs “Intelligent Design,” creationism’s latest manifestation, few reports can be found that fail to remind readers of how backward we are here in Rhea County, TN by mentioning our infamous 1925 Scopes “Monkey” Trial.

Then, in a story about your State Board of Education kangaroo court proceedings, the writer referred to your putting evolution on trial as “Scopes II.” My heart leapt at the thought that here might be a place ready to abandon scientific reality and embrace this ID pseudo-science mumbo jumbo, thus getting this 80 year monkey off our backs and putting the onus on yours instead. To the people of Kansas I say: Go for it! Sincerely, William J. Ware

You are wrong! Wrong! Wrong! It has been revealed that the universe was created by a group of green glowing winged beings that look like winged monkeys (not apes).

“look like winged monkeys”

no, no.. i think you have simply derived that from Ploink Ploink who, as a giant space bat, might fool you into thinking of a winged monkey.

I love the stork comic. I can see the interview with Bill Storksky:

Interviewer: What a great theory! Have you got some evidence that there is a stork that delivers babies?

Bill: It does not necessarily have to be a stork, it could be a pelican, eagle or even Santa.

Interviewer: OK. Have you got some evidence that there is something that delivers babies?

Bill: Well obviously babies come from somewhere and many scientists disagree with sexual reproduction theory. If sexual reproduction theory is not correct then it must be the stork/pelican/eagle/Santa.

Interviewer: Who are these scientists and are any of them named Steve?

Bill: There are hundreds of philosophers, teachers and lawyers who all like science and are therefore scientists. They all know the stork theory to be true. There are one or two named Steve.

Interviewer: OK. So does the stork drop them down the chimney, knock at the door, what?

Bill: Look, we don’t know how the stork does it, we just know it does. It is wrong to question the stork and the stork is so complex you will never understand how the stork does it. But that is not the issue, prove it is not the stork.

Interviewer: Well why don’t you and your partner have sex and I’ll put you both in a sealed room for 9 months so no stork can get in and we can see what happens.

Bill: 9 months! Anything could happen in that time. What if there is a flood, you would have to let us out and the stork could get in. Or the stork could hide under the tablecloth of the food cart you have to bring in to us. If it happend 9 months ago, that is not proof. Oh and don’t give me any of that obstetrician crap about how many babies they have delivered. As much as they like to think they are the stork, they are not. Oh and what is this “sex” thing you are talking about?

Interviewer:. I work in an IVF lab, I know about sexual eproduction. I can show you right now how a sperm and and an egg join and start to divide.

Bill: Are you saying that human’s are made up of two microscopic cells that somehow magically get together and form all the different types of cells in a human. Human’s are irreducibly complex, they must be delivered by the stork, it would be impossible for what you say to happen.

Interviewer: Sigh. Bill: Victory!

Oooh, they better not try to flush any pages of The Spaghetti Bible, or we may have rioting in the streets.

Oh, please… everyone knows that the universe was designed by a Giant Lobster and those sent to hell will burn not in fire and brimstone but in vats of molten butter.

Oh, please… everyone knows that the universe was designed by a Giant Lobster and those sent to hell will burn not in fire and brimstone but in vats of molten butter.

You are ALL wrong! The world and all in it were created by the Invisible Pink Unicorn (pbuh).

The truth lies here:

The problem with ID is that, in a bizarro future in which they win, they will fall out with each other and we’ll have competing theologies. And as we all know, religions don’t like to share and (while it is humore) this will be the order of the day:

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.

So I ran over and said “stop! don’t do it!”

“Why shouldn’t I?” he said.

I said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!”

He said, “Like what?”

I said, “Well…are you religious or atheist?”

He said, “Religious.”

I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?”

He said, “Christian.”

I said, “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”

He said, “Protestant.”

I said, “Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”

He said, “Baptist!”

I said, “Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?”

He said, “Baptist Church of God!”

I said, “Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?”

He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God!”

I said, “Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?”

He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!”

I said, “Die, heretic scum”, and pushed him off.

How about THIS example ? If memory serves me correctly a splinter group of the Church of Scotland was formed in the late 1800’s, as this new group consisted of a minority of the former congregation the “Free Church of Scotland” became more commonly referred to as the “Wee Free’s”. I think it had something to do with inviting the reigning monarch to address the General Assembly. Then a few years ago members of the Wee Free’s became upset because the church wouldn’t censure one of the members who had attended an acquaintances funeral in “gasp” a Catholic Church! so if you go to the North-West of Scotland, and to the Hebrides, you could find a Catholic Chapel, a Church of Scotland Kirk, a Free Church of Scotland Kirk, and now a Free Church of Scotland (Reformed) Kirk all within a few miles of each other, not to mention isolated Episcopal / Baptist / Latter Day Saints.…… What’s the point you may ask? If they can fall out about someone merely setting foot in a competitors chapel, don’t be surprised if you DO see a headline “Wee Free (Reformed) pushes Wee Free from bridge while screaming Die Heretic Scum”.

The Die Heretic Scum joke is an Emo Phillips bit. Here’s another one about the danger of absolute beliefs:

“The toughest time…in anyone’s life…is when you have to kill a loved one just because they’re the devil.”

Re ““The toughest time … in anyone’s life … is when you have to kill a loved one just because they’re the devil.””

Yeah, just ask Buffy the vampire slayer - she went through that kind of decision more than once on the show. (Or are TV show plots beside the point?)


Yay! The wee Free’s! Startling evidence that evolution occurs even in religion. If you look at a chart of the various branches and splits in Scottish religion over the past 400 years, it looks remarkably like the kind of diagram that shows the lines of descent from a common ancestor 500 million years ago.

As for teh first split, I think it was more complex than just the monarch speaking to them, it was more to do with who could appoint the minister and who paid for stuff, and so on. It’s one of these areas I’ll read up on eventually, since its entertaining.

Everyone knows the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a false god. If it were the one true god it would require its adherents to dress up like ninjas instead of pirates. It is self-evident that ninjas a superior to pirates in every way. Can’t you dogmatic FSM’s see that? The FSM theory has an obvious anti-ninja bias and is therefore wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I believe it was Einstein who once said, “The…” How do you like them shurikens?

One of the Things Creationists Hate

Alternative Creationist Explanations

Every couple of years it seems there’s a new crop of creationist “solutions” to the problem of why the Earth and universe appear to be ancient, and why there seems to be a record of evolutionary change. Some appear under the guise of “scientific creationism,” while others just seem to pop out of the wacky corner. From Velikovsky’s fabulous “comet” to visits by extraterrestrials, nearly everything has been tried to “prove” the veracity of the Genesis story. Again, the fact that almost anything, no matter how silly, will be offered up by creationists should indicate that they are grasping at straws–and that’s what they get. Chris, for instance, has heard the following: The Almighty created this world from the remains of other planets where He had been experimenting. Therefore, all the extinct animals and fossils are fossils from those test planets. I suppose that He was also careful to layer them neatly in the strata, in order, from simplest to most complex, from bottom to top. [This was declared by the same person] who tells us that the Grand Canyon was carved by Satan himself to confuse us. Consequently, my amazement and awe at the Adversary’s artistic abilities never cease every time I venture into the Utah and Arizona deserts! A theological question for creationists: will a person with such wrong beliefs (not the standard creationist teaching) go to hell along with us evolutionists? Or will that person be welcomed into the Presence, because it doesn’t matter what nonsense he or she believes, so long as it’s not evolution?

I like spaghetti.

Don’t you see! Panda thumb equals word masturbation! spaghetti god education is stupid and evil, greenwhich meridian time is evil!!!!!! -1*-1=1 is crazy talk!!!!!

evolution is lie to deny time cube harmony! Stupid evil government doesn’t want you to believe in natures harmonious time cube!!!! All hail copper, academics equal one conrner, socrates, Jesus and bill Clinton are stupid and evil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By the way, I want this all taught to the children of kansas.

SUB: Search Cosmological Evolution through VEDAS

: Scientific Interpretations of Cosmology through Vedas : I welcome your open discussion.Any East West Center for interaction helps to strengthen Scientific Spirit of advancement. I have projected a THREE-Tier Concept that covers most of your questions and help interlinks to many scientific fields . SEARCH COSMOS WITH A RATIONAL OUTLOOK

Many philosophers overlook a basic fact: To search requires an effort beyond the present domains through the available resources like background papers or books and bring together The essence of SCIENCE IN PHILOSOPHY The essence of PHILOSOPHY OF SCIENCE The essence of VEDAS AS KNOWLEDGE The essence of RELIGION OR PRACTICES. If one says back to square one, nothing to search makes no sense. Nobel laur Alfven questioned such statements in his article See IEEE-Space Plasmas- Cosmology Dec 1992 A lot of effort is needed today to put our heads together to bring in the subject for he benefit of mankind COSMOLOGY FOR WORLD PEACE. THIS IS THE REASON FOR MY REQUST Organise EAST-WEST interaction through an effective dialogue. see my effort through books Nanduri GENRE:COSMOLOGY/Philosophy

A new dimension of Science should dawn upon the Intellect. Western society has shown advancement through intellect -organised science. Thus science has to inegrate with NATURE , Philosophy of Nature and search Diviniy through Consciousness Regards vidyardhi Nanduri

The problem is that the Flying Sphagetti Monster adherents split up. Some felt he was made of rice noodles, others thought his noodles were of durham wheat. Later there were squabbles about the kind of sauce, and whether the two dark spots in his image were meat balls or not. Later there were the sphagetti/linguini wars, and the inquisition in which all believers in the conchiglioni were overcooked in hot water. After many years there were too many kinds of flying sphagetti monster sects. Disillusioned, I asked for a revelation. Then the angel Macaroni came to me and said “you really need to get laid”. So I started a new religion in which I could exercise my own noodly appendage as often as I wished.

Cheers, Joe Smith

Joe SMith wrote

So I started a new religion in which I could exercise my own noodly appendage as often as I wished.

And called it Raelism?

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Reed A. Cartwright published on May 23, 2005 9:10 PM.

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