Captain Caveman Defends Evolution

| 11 Comments

Tonight on Harvey Birman, Attorney at Law, Captain Caveman sues his son’s school because it doesn’t teach evolution.

Evolutionary War

When Cavey Jr.’s school refuses to teach evolution, Captain Caveman turns to Harvey to defend the hariy little boy’s right to an education. Harvey not only has to prove evolution but also explain the existence of a talking caveboy. As if that’s not enough, Harvey also suffers his latest existential crisis at the hands of Reducto. A rousing song and dance number follows.

Harvey Birdman airs on Sunday Nights at 11:45 (EST) on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim programming block. Reruns will air at 2:45 Monday Morning, and 12:15 and 3:15 Friday morning.

11 Comments

Tonight on Harvey Birman, Attorney at Law, Captain Caveman sues his son’s school because it doesn’t teach evolution.

An example that we should emulate in real life. We’ve been reacting to the nutters for too long. It’s wayyy past the time when we should stop letting them set the agenda, go on the offense ourselves, and let THEM start reacting to US.

For almost two years now, I have been advocating suing school districts who wimp out on evolution. I propose we find a state which has very strong detailed standards requiring evolution, find a district within that state which is NOT teaching evolution (either because the local school board “doesn’t believe in it” or because they “don’t want to offend parents” or because the subject is “too controversial”), and then sue them on the grounds that they are not meeting the state’s educational standards and are therefore, by the state’s own definition, providing a sub-standard science education to its students.

There are several good reasons I see for this:

(1) we can’t lose. The district has no defense to offer —- they must meet the state standards, and they are not. Case closed.

(2) It will accomplish what we all have said for years that we want – it will get evolution into all our schools and textbooks, and it will make it impossible for creationists to intimidate or pressure anyone into keeping it out.

(3) it will establish the legal precedent that evolution is a standard part of any good science education and that any school which does not teach evolution (for whatever reason) is not meeting its obligation to teach good science.

(4) it will negate the fundie’s power in local school board elections by making those elections irrelevant to the issue – state school standards apply to every school in the state, and those districts MUST comply, no matter WHAT their local school board wants to do. Even if the fundies capture the entire local school board and they ALL vote to drop evolution, they can’t do it – they *must* comply with the state education standards.

(5) Winning in one district will establish the legal precedent, and force every school district in the state to comply. It will also send the message to all the other districts in other states, sicne they will all be equally vulnerable to such a lawsuit. At that point, the fundies will have a choice; they can either choose to contest us in each and every state, which will lead into a long drawn out legal fight for them which will drain their resources and disrupt their own plans, all for a fight that they cannot possibly win anyway; or they can choose to not waste their resources and to cede the field to us, giving up their influence in local districts. Either choice makes me happy. We win either way, they lose either way.

(6) such a strategy disrupts the fundies’ coherent national strategy. For too long, the fundies have been calling all the shots, free to pick and choose fights when and where they want, and the anti-creationist movement has just been following behind them, reacting to what they do. It’s time we stop being defensive with them and go on the attack, forcing them to react to *us*.

“I’m suing the school district. If evolution isn’t taught in my kid’s biology class, s/he might not be accepted to a good university later on.”

yeah, workable :) the defense should be “you should send your child to PU or BJU anyway, you heathen”…

Harvey not only has to prove evolution

How does one prove something is true when it really isn’t?

“How does one prove something is true when it really isn’t?”

You can’t, but you might try:

1) Pandering to ill informed public opinion 2) Writing books rather than peer reviewed scientific articles 3) Changing the definition of science 4) Quote mining 5) Repeating already debunked claims in the hope that enough repitition makes them true…

Shall I go on?

what do you make of the Wedge Document, BTW?

Hopefully there’ll be a bunch of Aqua Teen. It’s much better than Harvey Birdman.

“Shake Zula, the mic rula.…”

Here are some quotes from the show:

Cave Bird: Cavey Jr. comes home from school in tears. He told us his school refuses to teach evolution and that all the children were making fun of him. Then they stuck this on all their science books. Course I find this simply outrageous and frankly unconstutional.

Birdman: Not to mention backward.

Birdman: Ladies and gentleman of the jury the question before you today is a simply one. Besides pointing to traditional fossil forms or DNA polymorphisms or tonsils or domesticated animals or gene sequences or male nipples or common sense, how does one prove evolution?

This was the text of the disclaimer:

This text contains information about Evolution If you read it, we can’t save you. You done been smote.

I saw the mentioned episode of Harvey Birdman last night. It had a couple of funny / relevant bits in it (most of which were mentioned above), but like every HB episode I’vbe seen - it was borderline incoherent.

Steve’s right - we need the Aqua Teens’ take on evolution.

How does one prove something is true when it really isn’t?

Indeed, that is the problem facing ID “science”.

Illuminatingly, they try to get around it by not doing any science at all, just lots of political arm-twisting. And lying.

This child is a THEORY, not a FACT.

Sealab 2021 would probably give us the funniest Adult Swim evolution show, especially if Harry Goz was still alive.

I watched it. It was hilarious. “Ladies and gentleman of the jury the question before you today is a simply one. Besides pointing to traditional fossil forms or DNA polymorphisms or tonsils or domesticated animals or gene sequences or male nipples or common sense, how does one prove evolution?” was truly great.

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This page contains a single entry by Reed A. Cartwright published on September 4, 2005 1:38 PM.

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