Breaking news: Darwin appears in holy frying pan!

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From London comes the astonishing news that the unmistakable image of Charles Darwin has appeared in the bottom of a postdoc’s frying pan. Scientists around the world1 are puzzled about the possible mechanism that might have resulted in the 19th century naturalist’s portrait being deposited on the suface of a cooking utensil.

In one attempted application of the Explanatory FilterTM it was found that the probability of this occurance is less than that of fairy circles appearing to form a mole on the face on Mars2. (This is, coincidentally, precisely equal to the probability that Nicholas Caputo would have hit David Berlinski if he had fired an arrow at Albert Einstein’s door during a total solar eclipse.)

fa_1.JPG

Scientists say that the object’s being specified is beyond doubt. An anonymous fellow of an anonymous Intelligent Design PR firm, when asked on background and off the record, responded that “Objectively, we can only conclude that the image was designed by an intelligence3, perhaps by means of infinite wavelength radiation emanating from the stove of the discoverer’s flat.”

It has not yet been ascertained whether the pan’s dicoverer was cooking spaghetti at the time the image appeared.

The owner and discoverer of the miraculous pan has opened bidding for the object on ebay. All proceeds from the sale will benefit the American Civil Liberties Union, which conserves the civic values – including freedom of religion supported by the separation of church and state – of the United States Constitution and Bill of Rights.

1One in London, one in Princeton. 2Work not shown. 3Maybe supernatural, maybe not.

[Comments have been closed for this thread. Please continue the conversation at After the Bar Closes.]

3 TrackBacks

Breaking news: Darwin appears in holy frying pan! “It has not yet been ascertained whether the pan’s dicoverer was cooking spaghetti at the time the image appeared.” Scientists say that the object’s being specified is beyond doubt. ... Read More

The Panda’s Thumb has long been a favorite of mine. And they’ve got a fun one up with Breaking news: Darwin appears in holy frying pan! Check it out yourself; but here’s a taste: …Scientists around the world1 are puzzled abo... Read More

http://www.pandasthumb.org/archives/2005/11/breaking_news_d_1.html From Lo... Read More

61 Comments

Let the bidding begin!

lol. Very funny.

What is the reference to

infinite wavelength radiation

Infinite wavelength seems like an obscure way to describe a straight line.

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Will my tin-foil hat protect me from infinite wavelength radiation?

Uh-oh - the black halo surrounding the image proves beyond all doubt that Darwin was a tool of Satan :-(

Sorry, I’m pretty sure that’s not Darwin, but some kind of cephalopod space alien. The eyes are just way too low on the huge, domed cranium. I grant that the tentacles are too blurred to make out, but that can probably be explained by recent sunspot activity interfering with the transmission.

lmao @

Uh-oh - the black halo surrounding the image proves beyond all doubt that Darwin was a tool of Satan :-(

Or maybe the pan has been exposed to heat. I know my explanation is not as rational as yours But Teach The Controversy Damn You!

Holy Calphalon, Batman!

I have reached the unassailable conclusion that the postdoc needs a raise so he/she can afford a new pan. My argument is formalized in my new monograph, No Free Pans.

You’ve got it all wrong. I checked my sources and this is definitely the gay telletubbie reading Harpers. CHeck it out, You know I’m right.

You’ve got it all wrong. I checked my sources and this is definitely the gay telletubbie reading Harpers. CHeck it out, You know I’m right.

I think the image looks a lot more like Newton than like Darwin. And I think that a disclaimer to this effect should be posted to warn eBay bidders!

Julie Wrote:

I think the image looks a lot more like Newton than like Darwin.

Oh, come on Julie! That’s just plain silly!

BWE Wrote:

You’ve got it all wrong. I checked my sources and this is definitely the gay telletubbie reading Harpers.

I have no doubt at all that the “gay” teletubby (“Tinky-winky” for those of you who don’t have children under two) reads Harper’s (though he’s not necessarily gay, just really odd, unlike the solid and upright LaLa) there is clearly no inverted triangle antenna on the head of the image. Tinky-winky it is NOT.

As an aside: did you know that in real life Tinky-winky is over ten feet tall? True fact!

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That upside down triangle comes off when Harpers comes out. My daughter has one (a toy actually, a ten foot one couldn’t fit in her room) and I’ve seen the top come off. I can only assume that the real Tinky WInky know how to put it back on.

Wonderful comments - let’s just all ridicule these guys to death, declare victory, and be done with ID.

The black ‘aura’ is most assuredly a ‘black hole’. It is not an image of Darwin, it is the “Holy Ghost”. This should be enough to educate all you atheists that all ‘life’ is part of “God’s Pan”.

Oh, come on Julie! That’s just plain silly!

Are you saying that Newton wasn’t as intelligent as Darwin? Why can’t we teach the controversy between intelligent Newtonist and random, undirected Darwinist frying?

Is this an omen that Darwinism is in crisis after all? An “out of the frying pan, into the fire” kind of deal? Is it God’s way of telling us we are going to hell? I’m scared.

Isn’t the “New Jerusalem” supposed to be a big square thing - like the state of KANSAS!?! Oh dear, now I am bothered and fretful.

I know that evolution is true but what if the wackos are right and God is more impressed with gullibility than intelligence? He never told us to be clever; he told us to believe what we are told! I like science and truth all stuff but I don’t want to go to hell over it.

One thing is certain, until this creepiness is sorted out I am staying away from all things fried.

I remain skeptical. I think someone designed it.

Was the pan, by any chance, used to prepare a spaghetti dish or other pasta recipe?

Ramen

The image appeared in a pan.

Pan is traditionally depicted with hooves and horns.

…what else do we need to know? ;-)

That’s enough proof for me! Time to get Intelligent Frying into the science curriculum.

Pat Robertson has just declared spaghetti to be henceforth called “God Loving Noodles With TOmato Sauce From THe GOd Fearing USA”

That’s not Darwin at all. It’s John Paul II from the waist up.

No it isn’t; it’s Santa Claus.

I’m serious about getting IF (Intelligent Frying) introduced into the science curriculum. I can justify my scientific theory using the irredelicous complex argument. Without all the ingredients, there are so-called “gaps” in the taste and smell (or as my collegues call it, the “missing stink”). All the ingredients have to be there to explain the final aroma and taste, otherwise it’s not food. Therefore, food must be irredeliously complex. Can anyone please explain these gaps? Of course not. Only IF can. I rest my case. And, oh yes, my theory has been peer-reviewed (but not in any of your so-called biased scientific journals).

It has not yet been ascertained whether the pan’s dicoverer was cooking spaghetti at the time the image appeared.

More likely, she was using the pan to reduce a rather complex sauce.

Tim Wrote:

That’s not Darwin at all. It’s John Paul II from the waist up.

Or Saint Barnabas from the waist down.

Comments are being closed for this thread. Please continue the conversation at After the Bar Closes.

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This page contains a single entry by Matt Brauer published on November 18, 2005 10:31 AM.

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