KansasMorons.com

| 63 Comments

I hate to divert attention from the fascinating serious discussion (for the most part) taking place in response to my last post, The fundamental (and wrong) religious argument of the IDists in Kansas, but you all really should take a look at the new website KansasMorons.com. (Motto: “Welcome to Kansas, please set your watch back 100 years.”)

For a start, read the first page of the “Kansas Teachers Guide to Intelligent Design”, a parody of a introductory letter by Kansas state Board member Connie Morris.

Here’s the text, but you really need to download the real thing to get the full flavor of this:

Dear Kansas Teahching Proffsional,

As you probibally had already herd, The Kansas Bored of Edukation has recently voted to teach alternatives to the Theory of Evoluition. As I have said before publicly, Evoluion is an “age-old fairytale”, as opposed to Intellgient Design, which is based on faith, bible scripture, and other non-fairytales.

We are also happy to announce that, in our finite wisdom, we have also decided to redefine the word “Science” to include the comptemplation of supernatural explanations for natural phenomenon. I am so excited!

Although this will now allow Kansas Science teachers to teach Witchcraft, Satanism, VooDoo Worship, and Advanced Flat-Earth Theory, right along with our right-wing Christian views of science, we feel that we owe it to our students who would otherwise only be exposed to boring old logical and rational ways of thinking.

With that, I am happy to present to you a copy of the new “Intelligent Design Teachers Guide”. Please use it to stimulate conversation, but also feel free to branch out and encourage your students to invent intelligent design theories of their own. This learning package was also supposed to include a Ouija Board, candles, incense, and a Magic 8 Ball, but the budget wouldn’t permit it. If I’m re-elected and not ousted by some fancy “book-learnin’ elitest, sexular-humanest”, I plege to get you those things, God willing.

We hope you make the most of this material, and support our crusade to destroy the pubic edukiton system, and to keep Kansas the laughing stock of the Nation.

Sinsurly, Connie Morris

(By the way, lest you think this parody is excessive, compare this to a real newsletter Connie sent out this June)

The Lawrence Journal World interviewed me the day KansasMorons was unleashed upon the world:

“Boy, somebody’s been hard at work,” said Jack Krebs, president of the Kansas Citizens for Science, a group opposed to adding intelligent design to the state’s science standards.

Krebs, a math teacher at Oskaloosa High School, said he didn’t know who was behind the site.

“Different people respond to ridiculous situations in different ways,” Krebs said. “For some it’s indignant outrage, for others it’s humor — the only thing left to do is laugh at it.”

Krebs compared the site to Comedy Central’s television program “The Daily Show.” Both, he said, show “it’s easier to swallow the news with a dose of humor than it is to just swallow the news.”

So visit KansasMorons, peruse the site, and have a good laugh or two.

P.S. The site says that donations in excessive of what it takes to maintain the site will be sent to Kansas Citizens for Science and the Kansas Science Teachers Association.

63 Comments

(By the way, lest you think this parody is excessive, compare this to a real newsletter Connie sent out this June)

I just did. Yikes! It’s hard to tell which one is the parody.

ROFLMAO !!!!!!!

Wonderful. :>

The real letter is just amazing. How do you mock something like that?

It’s also a study in how to look stupid by capitalizing, underlining, and boldfacing every other sentence.

I am just glad that Kansas is there to take the heat off of us Kentuckians for backwardness. Now maybe people will stop putting tucky and the end of what might be considered a backwards city and start using ansas as in Taylortucky can now be called Tayloransas.

(By the way, lest you think this parody is excessive, compare this to a real newsletter Connie sent out this June)

No kidding! She only left out the part where the world was ending and the government is controlling our thought. Hand her a tin (aluminum) foil hat, someone!

This Amazon review of Connie Morris‘s book shown at KansasMorons.com suggests that she’s an NPD/BPD, which would be very, very serious, if true.

Jack, in your effort to undo the damage of these nuts in Kansas, consider using insights from these books. These are serious disorders, and the weaknesses arising from them can be used.

Sue Gamble is most continually disruptive and rude as she repeatedly ignores statements made moments before as she’s vexed for ways to entangle a discussion or make it about religion and in her view – therefore a fowl.

They have turkeys on the Kansas Board of Education? And they’re the reasonable ones?!

Actually, NBPD makes an interesting point. There was a biographical story regarding Mrs. Morris’ teenage years not too long ago that mentioned LSD use, I believe, in the context of the “sins” that led her to find religion. If I am remembering this incorrectly, please forgive me and go ahead and delete this post, I’d hate to actually say this if it weren’t true.

Anyways, while LSD use does not, in and of itself, cause any kind of psychiatric disorder, it does often exacerbate existing underlying psychiatric disorders such as schizophrenia, bipolar, and borderline personality disorders. If Mrs. Morris did have such an underlying psychiatric disorder, and this biography is true, then it could easily explain these symptoms.

(By the way, lest you think this parody is excessive, compare this to a real newsletter Connie sent out this June)

What a harrowing read. It seems to me, Jack, that if you want to win in Kansas, a fine place to start would be making that document as widely available as possible.

For my part, I think I will begin paying closer attention to the elections for the Board of Education in my state.

I’m flabbergasted by the fact that a state official can get away with sending out a blatantly pro-religion newsletter like that.

I’m a federal employee, and if I sent out something like that, you can bet there would be a nice juicy letter of reprimand waiting for me.

What a harrowing read. It seems to me, Jack, that if you want to win in Kansas, a fine place to start would be making that document as widely available as possible.

Including in court.

It’s also a study in how to look stupid by capitalizing, underlining, and boldfacing every other sentence.

It’s not hard to find where she got her inspiration for the formatting of her newsletter:

http://tbn.org/about/newsletter/pdf/5_XII.pdf

:-)

Stunning. In two paragraphs she openly declares the method and the motive. The lawyers will have a field day with this.

Method: Take over biology class via controversy.

Motive: Bring back 1950’s style education scare tactics.

I’m flabbergasted by the fact that a state official can get away with sending out a blatantly pro-religion newsletter like that.

I don’t know why you’d be so surprised. It’s not like this is either new or uncommon in American politics. An elected politician can get away with almost anything so long as they do not blatantly violate the law and as long as they can continue to get more people to vote for them than the other guy.

I’m not being cynical, and most politicians, believe it or not, are actually no more or less honest than your average citizen…such as it is…but the only real check on this sort of this is the voting public.

If you believe, as many of us do, that this is completely unacceptable behavior from a public official, then the only way to stop it is to help elect someone else, either by giving your time or money to ensure that she is not re-elected. It’s not as sexy as giving a Mr. Smith-esque speech about public integrity, but it’s more effective than you’d think.

Another example of the truth of the adage: “It’s funny because it’s true.”

It is a pity this [bowel] movement of CrIntelligentDesignism isn’t impotent enough to allow us to laugh entirely freely.

Connie Morris’s actually letter was…depressing. I expect to see such ridiculous arguments and horrendous formatting on creationist websites. But from an elected official? In my country? I don’t have the words. The lunatics truly are running the asylum.

I think my favorite line in the real newsletter is “The media loved the mania and often cooperated by grossly reporting a true picture of the pivotal event.” (emphasis mine)

Wow. After reading Connie Morris’s newsletter all I can say is that she should be kept as far away from deciding education policy as possible.

OK, someone on the street who hasn’t given 5 minutes’ thought can be excused, but how does Connie Morris, who has been following anti-evolution arguments for years, say that she “subscribe[s] to the literal depiction of the origin of life as detailed in Genesis” without:

1. Stating unequivocally which of the mutually contradictory “literal” interpretations she subscribes to, and why she thinks that the others are wrong.

2. Explaining why she is more interested in having students learn a phony “critical analysis” of evolution, one that has repeatedly shown to be faulty and misleading, instead of positive evidence to support the alternative account that she conveniently forgets to detail.

3. Demanding the lesson includes a “critical analysis” of the mutually contradictory alternatives, including the one she subscribes to.

Ignorance or dishonesty?: You decide.

Connie Morris: Ignorant William Dembski: Dishonest

Jebeezus! I have to say that, as a work of humour, the satire is badly outclassed by the original.

“By the way, lest you think this parody is excessive, compare this to a real newsletter Connie sent out this June.”

The scariest part? She was a teacher.

In her book she claims that her reason for entering politics is NOT to bring glory to herself or her nation, but to bring more people into the Kingdom of Heaven.

My favorite line in the newsletter is (original emphasis): “In fact, we want MORE science by CRITICALLY ANALIZING the evidence.”

I think ‘analizing the evidence’ (that does sound painful) has joined ‘ID scientits’ as my favorite creationist typo to date.

Sorry, have to agree with outeast. The parody isn’t a patch on the original.

In her newsletter, Connie Morris writes regarding the Axis of Six,

We have worked together like a well oiled machine under the leadership of Dr. Abrams.

Finally, a use for snake oil.

My favorite line was also the line mentioned by MP:

“The media loved the mania and often cooperated by grossly reporting a true picture of the pivotal event.”

I loved Connie’s letter. What a great parody, way better than the other parody. This is just wishing but she would seal her fate if she ever sent out a newsletter like that. If only a board member were stupid enough to reveal their utter- - (huh?) – (what??) – (seriously??!!) –

I’m truly flubbergusted.

I think Connie Morris’s newsletter again shows the influence that the major young earth creationist groups like AIG and ICR are having on the mindset of the public towards science. OK so she’s a politician and probably should know better, but this is how a lot of Christians think now.

It’s also starting to happen here in the U.K. With the advent of Christian broadcasting stations like TBN, The God Channel, Daystar, and Revelation TV etc. Young Earth Creationists now have a platform to spread their message. This week I’ve heard two YEC’s (John Mckay and Roger Oakland) saying very much the same thing as Connie Morris. To someone who has no background in science their ideas on things like flood geology etc. would sound very plausible. Why believe real scientists when these educated Christians have theories and facts that prove evolution is wrong and that the Earth is no more than a few thousand years old ?

I wonder how long it will be before a similar situation arises in here in the UK

Hey Discovery Institute, how’s that ID-is-not-religion strategy working out? Hahaha! Did you really think the rubes like Buckingham and Morris would be able to stick to your script?

Wow. I struggle to find the right words to describe the feelings I had while reading that newsletter. Yikes.

My son is in the 5th grade in a self contained gifted program and loves science so I e mailed my school board members to ascertain their collective or personal positions on the prospect of ID and our schools curriculum. Their response, “This issue has not been raised in Scottsdale to date. I believe in letting parents teach their children about their personal religious beliefs. I do not believe that “Intelligent design” belongs in a science curriculum.” Yea Scottsdale.

I wonder how long it will be before a similar situation arises in here in the UK

Well, despite the fact that any “revival” in Christian fortunes is likely to be of the fundie kind, I don’t think the UK is in imminent danger of becoming like Kansas.

The base is too small–not enough ministers to harrangue their flock from the pulpit about the evils of evolution. And the BBC does a much better job of producing popular science shows than the major US networks with comparable ratings.

No doubt satellite TV will trap a few unsuspecting folk, but from what I’ve seen of Sky TV, their much more likely to stumble across soft-core porn than creationism!

I’ll spot Connie Morris the benefit of the doubt and assume she’s telling the truth about her early years and her eventual decision to give up drugs and poor sexual choices. If her religion really gave her the strength to give up self-destructive behavior, more power to her — building one’s own personal integrity is one of the activities that religion can support, and does for many people.

Yeah, I’d like to give her the benefit of the doubt too, but the tale she tells of her youth is so appalling that I begin to wonder. The more “out there” Christian fundamentalists often wear tales of a wayward youth as a badge of honour (and somehow without leaving a paper trail like a prison record) as if to make their conversion more meaningful, more miraculous. I’ve often had doubts about their stories. They sound, at the very least, embellished to me.

If the story is true, it is a terrible tale, and goes some way to explain (but not excuse) her current behaviour. But it was the last line I quote that I find astounding. That God should insist she thank him for all the appalling abuse she went through just so would become a saver of souls. I know most Christians don’t think this way and it strikes me more as a coping mechanism than a theologically sound position. At least I hope it is.

Comment #58756

Posted by Stephen Elliott on November 18, 2005 06:59 PM (e) (s)

Why should I panic? These people don’t represent a threat to anything.

Except reason and good scientific education in Kansas.

Something tells me the Enlightenment flame will probably survive Connie Morris.

Forgive me, but after reading Connie Morris’s brief Bio “book is Connie’s story of recovery through Christ from incest, rape, domestic violence, substance abuse, and poverty during her early years in the Appalachian Mountains region.”, I was unable to get dueling banjos out of my head for three days.

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Jack Krebs published on November 17, 2005 9:10 PM.

New Zimmer—you know you want it was the previous entry in this blog.

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