Kitzmiller: the movie – Pick your favorite actors now…


…because paramount has apparently got a serious scriptwriter signed up to do Kitzmiller v. Dover: the movie.

It will be interesting to see how this turns out. I tend to think the only way to make Dover into a watchable movie would be to basically do an Inherit the Wind remake, which would require some substantial rewriting because the plaintiffs were parents, rather than the defendant being a teacher. But on the other hand, the poor teachers in Dover were pretty seriously oppressed by William Buckingham et al., so it might work.

In other news, Nova is doing a documentary on Kitzmiller v. Dover, which will apparently include some remakes of courtroom scenes.

Everyone has already decided that Tom Hanks should play Judge Jones…


The most important part…who plays professor Steve Steve outside the court room.

Delta Pi Gamma (Scientia et Fermentum)

Ron Jeremy as Richard Thompson, Adam Sandler as Mike Behe, Joe Besser as Bill Buckingham (oops, Joe’s dead; maybe Michael Richards).

I would imagine the court scene where Behe ends up buried in scientific papers, then completely ignores the things would end up being the best part of the movie.

I’d say, do the Kind Hearts and Coronets thing. Michael Richards as Behe and Fuller and Bonsell and Cunningham and Dembski (“the aptly named Sir Not Appearing In This Film”).

How will the 139 page decision be “converted” to the big screen? They have to use some of the juicy quotes, like “breathtaking inanity.”

I nominate Jason Bateman (Arrested Development) as one of the plaintiffs’ attorneys.

Remember the purpose will be to make money. Paramount will not make money with a film that is unsympathetic to the ‘controversy’. I expect a DI rewrite to emerge, not a documentary.

Ashton Kutcher should play Wee Willie Dembski (a fantasy I guess since I don’t think he appeared directly at the trial). I would love to see Dembski use the line “YOU’RE GONNA GET PUNKED Darwinists” in some context.

Dembski (“the aptly named Sir Not Appearing In This Film”)

Perfect, just perfect, beer came out my nose reading that one.

Delta Pi Gamma (Scientia et Fermentum)

If they want lots of money, they should make a gimmick movie.

They could shoot two endings. One where Judge Jones delivers the verdict, and another where an angry God strikes him dead and then declares a mistrial on the basis that all the plaintiffs have also been struck dead and therefore don’t have standing.

Then the audience could vote on which ending they wanted to see. To boost ticket sales even further, the studio could announce that the votes will be tabulated and delivered to the judges of “American Idol” or somebody.

I want to play one of these guys:[…]res/5467.jpg

And for casting, let’s see,

Judge Jones: Morgan Freeman Eric Rothschild: Sam Watterston Nick Matzske: Denzel Washington Barbara Forrest: Julia Roberts

and then for the defense, we could have

William Buckingham: Nick Nolte Alan Bonsell: Alan Rickman Michael Behe: that guy who played Mola Ram in Temple of Doom Scott Minnich: Peter Stormare John West: Doug Bradley (pinhead from the Hellraiser movies) Richard Thompson: Saddam Hussein

I think Behe would be best acted by Danny Divito. He’s great a playing con men, and is bald and short to boot.

Seriously, however, while capturing the court room testimony could be riveting, I think the scenes that led up to it—the school board meetings, private tete-a-tetes among the various parties, the late night phone calls, the efforts at backtracking to cover and deny earlier statements, the arrival of Richard Thompson with his “sword and shield”, and the various efforts at dissembling after the fac t—could make for a gripping film. The decision would almost be an afterthought and might be best addressed as a scrolling conclusion. The interplay between the DI, its various “fellows”, the TMLC, Buckingham and Bonsell, the superintendent, the Browns, and the plaintiffs could be an engrossing study in human behavior.

Is Weta going to do the cgi? William Buckingham’s nose will have to grow longer every time he lies under oath.

you know they’ll juice it up a bit for the movies. They’ll have a flashback of Richard Thompson robbing 7-11’s in the early 80s. Behe shows up for the trial drunk and tries to touch some children inappropriately.

Philip Seymour Hoffman as Bill Dembski…A change of glasses and another oscar winning performance!

I figure it would be better as a comedic pseudo-documentary. A la, Breast Men, or The Pentagon Wars.

That would be such a good plug for Creationism’s Trojan Horse: The Wedge of Intelligent Design and Why Intelligent Design Fails: A Scientific Critique of the New Creationism

I want to play myself. Oh, I wasn’t there. Bummer.

I’ll just play by myself. ;-)

I would like to see all defense characters played by Hollywood Scientologists. That would give some wiggle room for a sequel

Have we learnt nothing from South Park? “Tom Hanks couldn’t act his way out of a nutsack!”

Oh no! When has Hollywood ever got the _science_ right?! I’m afraid, I’m very afraid… ;-)

I think Jack Nicholson should play Judge Jones. Just hearing him say ‘blatant inanity’ would be worth the price of admission.

It’s a damn shame Don Knotts just passed away. He would have made a great Dembski.

While it is always risky to predict future events, the past experience seems to portend a movie that will have little resemblance to what actually happened in Kitzmiller case. There are several videos and full size movies about the nonsense of the Bible code. Except for the BBC version which, although not quite truthful, is not completely biased in favor of codes, all the rest shamefully present the codes as a proven fact and almost completely ignore the critique of that fad. This is understandable: if codes are real, it is a sensational discovery, but if there are no codes, so what? So, let’s wait and see - what kind of a movie it turns out to be.

Hope you have managed to get back to some sort of normality after that disastrous fire, Professor Perakh.

Billy Redden ought to play Dembski. He was the guy with the banjo in “Deliverance”.

Holy crap, Alan, I nearly burst out laughing when I saw Billy Redden’s name appear (I would have, but my wife’s sleeping nearby). Billy also made a cameo in Big Fish – you guessed it, playing the banjo!

Anyway, I’d love to see Buckingham played by Gary Oldman, and Judge Jones played by William H Macy, with that disgusted look on his face throughout the entire trial.

Surely there must be a scene where Pat Robertson threatens the people of Dover with the Warth of God ™. So who will play Pat?

The man who was born to play Pat Robertson is Fred Willard.

Professor Steve Steve will play himself, of course. He;s omni-talented and virtually omni-present, so this should be no problem.

The only “crackpot idea” film I have seen is JFK, which quite impressed me and almost made me a conspiracy theorist back when I was quite young.

As I grew up, I saw the main weakness of the film: we only get to see the conspiracy’s side! The same can be done in this film - present the sound bit arguments of the IDiots and simple do not show the great work of Science and obscure the actual ruling like they did in JFK so you think it was some devious plot of the government for keeping the truth from getting out.

After all, if you get told that “Science can’t explain the [insert IC thing here]” without the follow up “Here is the pile of papers that explains it - have you read them?” you will come out thinking that it was indeed a nefarious plot.

I agree with Mark - a film can easily be turned into an IDiot propaganda piece, even if they badly lost in the Real Life.

Hope that helps,

Grey Wolf

Somehow I ended up transporting the whole thing back to the 1940s…

Judge Jones: Sydney Greenstreet Rothschild: Humphrey Bogart Forrest: Ingrid Bergman Behe: Peter Lorre Matzke: Dooley Wilson (Play it, Sam!)

Heh. I had thought about Peter Lorre. “Reeek…you don’t beeleeeve I came from a monkeey, do you Reek?”

Comment #86756

Posted by Mark Perakh on March 16, 2006 02:34 AM (e)

While it is always risky to predict future events, the past experience seems to portend a movie that will have little resemblance to what actually happened in Kitzmiller case.

Especially if I’m allowed to cast it. Samuel L Jackson as Eric Rothschild? Screaming MF this, MF that, Behe crying and trying to hide behind judge jones?

J. Early the Ghost of confederacies/fascist regimes past, blurts a Lawrence Fafarman-ism.

Larry if mankind’s collective wisdom is too much for you, consider the Jesus solution.

With regard to charity Jesus said “let not the left hand know what the right hand is doing” a subtle take on his Kaiser’s Penny, it applies in your case to the unswallowable, the embarrassing case of being caught out by your own ridiculous pride.

jeez Larry you are such a twit.

OK Larry I know that was TOO cute for you to absorb. The point is THIS. You think the ToE is irrational right? OK ! The only thing that makes sense to you is godditit right ? OK ! Your Mother is to blame here, sorry for that bad news, mommy’s hairy helper actually did what you wanted to do but …well its too late now, you’re doomed to camels. Freud said the best thing to do to get even, was to kill her… or was that he thought… that was… what you thought you wanted to do or the hairy helper?

Anyway on the rational vs irrational thingy. The best ting to do is to concede that irrational Darwinism (part of your ego) is something you have no control over and not let the rational biblical liberalism (side of your ego) beat yourself up, your NAME (ego) can do itself some real damage if you let that happen. Such as changing it so often you don’t know who you are. Oedipus is not a myth, he types at a keyboard in LA and decorates his bedroom with confederate flags.

Well, this is shaping up quite well. One major gap in casting is the part of Nick Matzke, and his secret overlord Genie. Wes can play himself confronted with ??? (who was that YEC clown at the courthouse steps?).

I am sure that Nic is alread deeply involved with negociations. ;-)

Behe’s courtroom heckler should be played by that guy at every green at every golf tournament shouting “Get in the hole!”

Corkscrew said: “I believe that this adequately settles the question.”

I gotta agree. Larrandy Farfromentertaining has really become a parody of himself. Can we possibly ignore him and have him go away?

I gotta agree. Larrandy Farfromentertaining has really become a parody of himself. Can we possibly ignore him and have him go away?

He’ll just come back again under a different name, like Creationism/Creation Science/ Intelligent Design/Teach the Controversy/Methodological Naturalism is too limiting.

I want Rob Reiner to do it as a mockumentary of the Dover School Board a la This Is Spinal Tap. I want to see the Thomas More Law Center strategy sessions, I want to see Trolls drawing up the Wedge Strategy, I want to see Behe’s Moonie Wedding, I want to see Bill Dembski in a small dark room with one swinging lightbulb sitting over his laptop furiously deleting comment after comment on his blog…

Besides, if it’s not a comedy it will be a tragedy.

#By “retrial,” I presume that you mean “appeal” (they are not the same).”

Since the other bloggers implies you are a troll which change names and they furthermore put your argument up where it belongs, I will merely say that I’m not a native english speaker so you presumed correctly.

I know this is awful if you are a troll, since in that case your mode of action is to be terribly wrong all the time. A tip is that if you don’t post, you will not take the very low risk to be right because it will hurt you considerably.

Wow, this whole post was a joke, and Larry Farfromaman couldn’t even get into the spirit of the joke. It sure ain’t pretty when a guy who was never smart enough to have a sense of humor starts going senile…

Remembering a one time great looking young (then in the 1960’s) actress named Mitzi Gaynor. She co-starred in ‘South Pacific’ with Ezio Pinza (who is no doubt long dead.) Was wondering whatever happened to her? Also whatever happened to Bruce Dern? BBY

I live at 31407 Commonwealth in Seattle. Been up here before?

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This page contains a single entry by Nick Matzke published on March 15, 2006 7:47 PM.

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