Panda Paper


Prof. Steve Steve has a new job: producing raw material for paper production.

Researchers at a giant panda reserve in southern China are looking for paper mills to process their surplus of fiber-rich panda excrement into high quality paper.

Liao Jun, a researcher at the Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Base in Sichuan province, said the idea came to them after a visit to Thailand last year where they found paper made from elephant dung. They thought panda poop would produce an even finer quality paper, he said.

I can see it now: Prof. Steve Steve’s Old Fashioned Panda-Processed Paper.


Someone already beat them to it using elephant shit ( ).

Yes, Prof. Steve Steve has lots of “research” under way: Zoo hopes porn will help pandas mate

Is this going to be paper that the average Joe can use, or is it going be all hoity-toity like the similarly-processed coffee?

It seems to me that there are two immediate and appropriate uses for this paper…

The first use, along the lines of fighting fire with fire, toilet paper.

The second use, in the birds of a feather vein, the paper for the next printing of “of Pandas and People”, or whatever the title of that stealth creationist crap was…

I believe that Prof. Steve Steve’s efforts will generate more papers than the excrement that flows out of the Discovery Institute.

Not too out of whack with what does happen to fibers at a, umm, nonrectally themed paper mill.

The source fiber material is mechanically abused into workable hunks. Chewing.

The hunks are dumped into great big screwed cylinders. GI tract. The cylinders are actually called digesters.

A mixture of caustic fluids under temperature and pressure separate the desirable (fiber) from the undesirable (lignin). Digestion in the GI tract.

Now if only animals had a chlorine dioxide/peroxide bleaching unit attached to our rear ends to make the analogy complete.

Did you ask if this shit paper is going to be ‘hoity toity’ like coffee? come on buddy, it’s Panda shit paper for god sakes!

i dont know any thing about pandas

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This page contains a single entry by Reed A. Cartwright published on March 27, 2007 10:33 AM.

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