A guest contribution - a parody of an article in World magazine

Bembi Babelmandebski’s view from 2014 – The 450th anniversary of Galileo’s birth

By Amiel Rossow

Foreword by the editors of Whorls magazine

We are happy to present an article by I. D. “Bembi” Babelmandebski, Ph.D, Senior Fellow, Interplanetary Society of Informational Sages (ISIS)[1]

Besides having published, by the latest count, 765 books, Dr. Babelmandebski (Bembi for his friends and colleagues) holds a world record in the number of his degrees, both earned and bestowed honoris causa, in areas ranging from stamp collection to mosquitology and from the geography (perhaps more properly named the moonography) of Jupiter’s moons, to complicated specificity of the fairy tales of his nanny. Unfortunately, the editors of that infamous outlet of the Darwinist-Galileanist orthodoxy, the Guinness Book of World Records, refused to register Dr. Babelmandebski’s record thus confirming the well known fact of the vicious conspiracy of materialists to keep hidden from public the supernatural origin of Dr. Babelmandebski’s degrees. Fortunately, today, in 2014, the complete and final victory of information over matter, so convincingly demonstrated by Dr. Babelmandebski’s article, has made explicit those despicable maneuvers by materialistic “scientists,” so that Dr. Babelmandebski now lawfully takes his long deserved place in the roster of greatest scientists and philosophers of all times, above Isaac Newton, Copernicus, Aristotle, Kant, and Hegel…

Dr. Babelmandebksi, who makes his home between the towns of Taco and Wiesel, is also famous for his barbecue which he sells to everybody including unbelievers and materialists, both methodological and ontological, for the same low price as to his colleagues in the ID movement (in a way similar to that described by another barbecue master at http://www.brazosbarbecue.com/).

Dr. Babelmandebski’s formidable intellect (officially confirmed by his Australian colleagues of the bioceramics fame) is of such a caliber that our editors could not come up with proper epithets which would do justice to this titan of all sciences and all branches of mathematics, philosophy, theology, and culinary art. We are confident our readers will enjoy this masterpiece of logic, mathematical rigor, and poetical beauty typical of Dr. Babelmandebski’s groundbreaking work, not any less than they could enjoy the incomparable taste of his affordable barbecued food.

The complete victory of information over matter By I.D. Babelmandebski For a long time materialists (i.e., those who believe the ridiculous notion that matter is that what matters) were preparing for a loud celebration of the 450th anniversary of Galileo’s birth. And now, in 2014, it is just that date – Galileo was born in 1569. And what do we see? Galileism is dead. It is in the dustbin of history. The primitive contraption named the telescope, acclaimed by Galileans as a substitute for a spiritual penetration into reality, has been shown for what it is – a non-entity since it was supposedly made of matter and the latter, as became obvious by 2010, is illusion.

The only reality is disembodied information directly emanated from a disembodied Designer as revealed in the Holy Scriptures (although my purely scientific proof of that has no relation whatsoever to any religious commitments). I have proven for all to see (in my published books number 761 and 762, as well as in my forthcoming books numbered from 763 through 811) that Information is simply the Logos of John’s gospel in the idiosyncratic idiom of ultrasupernaturalism. Of course this has nothing to do with religion, contrary to the unfounded accusations of Galilean orthodox zealots.

Materialists have been vanquished – nobody in his right mind would today continue adhering to the superstition assuming the alleged existence of what those bad guys Darwin, Galileo, and Dawkins and their mindless followers referred to as either “nature” or “matter.” As we, the intelligent design theorists (and, with all my well documented modesty, I feel justified in admitting that my revolutionary thoughts played the crucial role in it) have proven beyond reasonable doubt (as my colleague, professor of law John Phillipson confirmed, based on his scrupulous analysis of Acts of Congress and British precedent law) that matter is a fiction while all that exists is only Information (whose definition, derived from the Gospels, is exclusively my achievement).

Despite the complete failure of what materialists used to call science (but what in reality was a Galilean-Newtonian-Einsteinian-Dawkinsian religion) we, as the most unbiased group of researchers in history, magnanimously make use of those rare elements of “science” which fit our goals. In particular, the fallacious theory of electromagnetic waves by Maxwell (an admitted Galilean, and even worse, a clandestine Darwinian) which was accepted during the pre-information age in the pseudo-science called physics, nevertheless entails certain useful features.

One such feature is the assertion that the energy carried by the so-called photons decreases along with the increase of the wavelength. This shows (again beyond reasonable doubt – see Phillipson’s legal analysis) that the disembodied designer (whose identity we, the design theorists, will never be forced to reveal - but everybody knows who He is – see The Bible in Pictures) needed no energy to impart information to the universe. He, in His infinite wisdom, transferred information to the world using waves of infinitely large wavelength, thus carrying no energy.

The arguments of materialists trying to assert the alleged impossibility of using waves of such length, deserve no reply as they are based on the discredited “science” of physics and on ugly and super-ugly mathematics. (As has been commonly established, the only beautiful mathematics is found in my philosophical and theological works which all have profound significance for information theory in which I am the acknowledged leader and arbiter).

So, as everybody can see, despite the impotent exertions of all those “scientists” possessing only bachelor degrees and often using unharmonious sounding pen names (even their real names often start with letters found at the end of the alphabet – such as T or W, rather than B, D or J, as fits good theorists), instead of a celebration of Galileo’s birthday, in 2014 we witness the complete victory of information – the only reality – over non-existing matter.

Those curious to learn what information is, should read my next book from Inter Arsity Press titled How to Extract Information From the No Free Lunch Theorems (Even When They Are Irrelevant) and From Mousetraps, And Be Paid For It. In that book I give exhaustive answers to all questions about my methods of getting royalties for any nonsense I choose to promote, also including questions which nobody thought of but which I could portend using my Universal Analytical Filter (UAF - not to be confused with our cyberspace outlet Ubiquitous Anti-materialist Force) and the Universal Bound of Incredulity (UBI – not to be confused with our other cyberspace outlet Uniquely Boastful Institute).

Monetary donations to both outlets are welcome; money orders should be sent to our mailbox in Princeton, NJ (no personal checks, please; cash may only be handed over in person). Both outlets award grants for research in philosophical woolpulling (over the public eyes) and confer honorary degrees in complicated specificity, divinational gynecology, double straight flushes poker game, and theoretical iscidology as a financial strategy – at competitive prices (pricelist supplied on request); Texas Baptists get a discount of 20%. Certified child molesters pay 15% extra; HIV carriers, physicians performing abortions, and especially members of the NASA research staff need not apply – we know what you think!

[1] All malicious rumors asserting that ISIS stems from Yisus (the Greek for Jesus) are completely without merit. ISIS is a purely non-religious organization. Its rules even allow its members to make the sign of cross, before speaking to audiences, with one’s back to the audience.

Originally posted on Talk Reason. Posted with a permission from the author, Amiel Rossow. Rossow is a physicist with a PhD in physics of solids also interested in the foundations of quantum physics. He has authored many peer-reviewed papers. He asked to say that he is a regular reader of PT.