When the Moon is in the 7th House...

We’ve all seen ID advocates bristle at the suggestion that ID is no different than astrology, Holocaust denial, UFOlogy, or any other pseudoscience. Why declare ID wrong before it even gets out of the gate? How dare we tar them with that brush!

In my mind, the biggest danger that ID poses to the world is the threat of making satire redundant. Check these guys out:


It’s an ID site run by people called the Christian Guardians Fellowship. It begins with the header, “EVOLUTION THEORY IS A MONUMENTAL HOAX.” At first glance, you’d think it’s just more of the same old stupidity, but there’s a neat twist. They have a new and superior method for proving Intelligent Design. And that method is… wait for it… astrology.

It would take way too long to go through all of the silliness on that site, so I’ll just cut to the good stuff:

The Gospels tell us that before Christ was born, three wise men from the East (called Magi) knew that the world’s Savior was about to be born.  The three Magi were very knowledgeable and understood that a new star would appear in the sky and the star would mark the Savior’s birthplace.  The three Magi saw the new star, made a lengthy journey and followed the star, found the baby Jesus, paid homage and gave Him gifts.

The reason we remind you of all this is that we believe the Gospels are telling us the Magi were good men, and they were knowledgeable in astrology.

That’s right, the Magi were astrologers.


You must be wondering what has any of this to do with Intelligent Design?

We talk about all this because we have discovered a way to disprove Darwinism by using good astrology, and we have improved Intelligent Design by using good astrology.  The astrology we are using is the astrology of the Three Wise Men who foretold of the Bethlehem Star and successfully followed it to Christ’s birthplace.  The Three Wise Men were MAGI and their special form of astrology is called Magi Astrology.

Magi Astrology is so different from any other form of astrology that 95% of Magi Astrology contradicts other forms of astrology.  The beauty of Magi Astrology is that it disproves Darwinism and proves Intelligent Design.  Magi Astrology helps to move Intelligent Design to the very high level needed so that Intelligent Design can make accurate predictions about genetics, the weather, and other areas that presently baffle scientists.

I just don’t know what to say. I hope, at the very least, that these people are giving the Discovery Institute some serious ulcers. I can see it now: Hey guys, we’re glad you’re advancing the faith and all, but you’re really not supposed to talk about Jesus in conjunction with Intelligent Design. And what’s this about Magi… planetary alignment… astrology!? Oh crap.

It gets better though. Read on:

The reason any parents can have fabulously talented children is that God designed it that way.  God designed the world such that the alignment of the planets on a day someone is born helps the person to have certain talents and abilities.  Some alignments of the planets are more helpful than others.  And different planetary alignments help the babies in different ways.  For example, when Mars and Venus are aligned exactly together in sky, the baby will have great athletic ability; when Venus and Mercury are aligned exactly together in the sky, the baby will have a great mind.  (See footnote two.)  These are some of the many principles of Magi Astrology.  And it is why some parents who have no athletic ability themselves can have children who become great athletes.

If Magi Astrology really works, then Darwinism does not work. 

Darwinism is based on the premise that parents who have the greatest ability to survive have this advantage because of their genes and they will usually pass on this advantage to their children because the children inherit the parents’ genes.  But if parents cannot pass on such advantages to their children, then Darwinism cannot work.

Apparently they believe that if the planets are infusing you with useful traits, then this means you cannot also be inheriting them. (Or, I suppose, they believe it’s God who’s giving you certain traits by smiting you with His mighty planets.) Why this automatically should contradict evolution is beyond me, but I’m not even going to try to straighten these guys out.

The truly sad thing is, there’s nothing about this nonsense that in any way contradicts ID. Remember, ID is supposed to consist of one thing and one thing only: empirical evidence that some features of living things were “designed”. Well, these people think they’ve got that evidence. And since ID advocates refuse to construct any theory concerning the mechanisms of design, the natural history of Earth and the biosphere, or the motives of the unnamed designer, they cannot in good faith claim that the Magi Society people are somehow out of bounds. They belong in the Big Tent too, right along side the YECs, geocentrists, and Raelians. Good work ID movement, good work.

P.S. Whoever can find the silliest, most ridiculous claim on that site (on any of the pages hosted there) gets a free pitcher of Protostome Pilsner.